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What does your passport say?

Dr. Rice waiting for Pres. Bush to Arrive during the Aircraft Carrier stunt.

Misc:

Safeco Field Seating chart

(2/28/2005)

Rappers and Bloggers
Separated at birth!

(2/28/2005)

AT&T sucks - Continuation of the T-Mobile saga
In late January, T-Mobile sent me a bill for the account opened by A1Wireless. A total charge of $45.82 included activation fee and a prorated cost for the few hours that the account was open. I’m quite impressed that I wasn’t also charged a massive cancellation fee. But I don’t rule out the possibility of such a thing happening at some point. I called T-Mobile and explained the situation. I don’t think the customer service rep ever understood the situation but gave me a credit. Something I didn’t expect happened later that month. I got my AT&T bill and somehow my plan had changed from 1000 anytime minutes to 500 anytime minutes and an extra $30 charge for additional minutes used. Apparently when T-Mobile transferred my AT&T phone number and closed my AT&T account, I lost all promotional rates. The rep who reinstated my account had guaranteed that my account was restored to its previous state when it had not been. I was told I could never get the 1000 anytime minute promotion back because it’s so “special”. Now I might have to switch to T-Mobile just to get back the plan I’m accustomed to. They will have to beat my business off with a stick.

(12/06/2004)

This is a lame rant but I can't help it. In fact, this rant is as lame as Andy Rooney. I was watching 60 Minutes and there was Andy Rooney - complaining about how he doesn't like pennies. I seem to remember a time where Andy Rooney complained about things that mattered, irrational things that caused the majority of us some frustration. But now he never says anything worthwhile, and I'm feeling like I must be delusional to think that he could have ever said anything marginally relevant. He doesn't like PENNIES? He wishes the US mint would quit making pennies?? The pennies take up too many of his coffee cans? He's also complained that now coffee cans are bigger with less coffee. WHO CARES!

Then there's Lesley Stahl who did a report on Hoodia - a plant eaten by a lot of African nomads that tends to suppress appetite. Being the daring, professional journalist she is, she actually ate some of the plant and concluded that it did suppress her appetite all day. So far so good. Then, she says Hoodia may be the reason why these nomads are so thin. Lesley, I don't think the skinny nomad and his skinny goat are trying to maintain their svelte figures by eating Hoodia. They are also probably not walking all over Africa for excercise.

(12/03/2004)

A1Wireless - It sucks. T-Mobile sucks as well.
I have AT&T Wireless cell phone service. But one day I decided that I wanted the new Motorola A630 phone offered by T-Mobile and that's when the frustration began.

I looked for deals online and found A1Wireless.com which advertised the phone (with a new T-Mobile account) for $49.99 from T-Mobile after rebate. I filled out the application form and clicked submit. I was expecting some kind of page for me to verify my order and tell me my total cost, but instead I got the final receipt saying that I had been charged $149.99. I thought, "Umm... ok. I guess I should find the link to the rebate and print it out?" I searched for the rebate and clicked the link. It said that I can only get the $100 rebate if I buy the Motorola Bluetooth headset. This headset costs $79.99 on the A1 site.

Wow. I already read all the fine print. But now I’m supposed to have clicked all the links on a website and read all the fine print on those too? How can A1 advertise a phone for $49.99 when the rebate requires you to buy something in addition to the phone? But so their advertising is deceptive. These days everyone's advertising is deceptive. In fact, the rebate is a T-Mobile rebate and the T-Mobile website advertises it the exact same way i.e. the phone retails for $299 and T-Mobile advertises it for $199 after rebate without mention of buying a headset until you click on the rebate and read the points. I guess I’m the only idiot out there who didn’t think I needed to do that when the rebate is listed as a rebate on a phone and not a rebate on a phone with an additional purchase. On the T-Mobile website, the headset sells for $99. That means I’ll get $100 if I spend $99. I guess it doesn’t sound as good to offer a $1 rebate on a $299 phone with headset.

Anyway, I thought I'd just call and cancel my order. But at this point it was midnight, and their customer service line had closed (11pm EST). So I emailed the “Contact Us” link on their website. Moments later, I got a delivery failed notice in my inbox. So the “Contact Us” on the website in fact contacts no one. Still unfazed I decided to call the next morning. At 9am PST, I called the cancellation line and was routed to an Indian call center. Why does the customer service line close at 11pm EST if the call center is in India? The guy that answered the phone read off his cue cards that his name is Steve. He then proceeded to read off the same question to me 3 times. After finding the next sentence on his script, he told me that he cancelled the order. Call me paranoid, but after speaking with him I decided to email a different link on the website to verify that my order was indeed cancelled. Of course I got no response.

Being a normal person who likes to do normal things, I decided to call someone at about 3pm. To my surprise my phone displayed Invalid SIM.

Here's what happened. Not only did A1 not cancel anything, they transferred my number to T-Mobile and cancelled my AT&T account. I never got any notification that this had happened. I had no information about the T-Mobile account. I actually had to call T-Mobile to get my account number. Believe me - the operator was completely miffed as to why I didn't know my own account number.

I ended up calling AT&T, a call which lasted about 40 minutes, trying to get my number back and my account reinstated. I’m happy to say that my phone is working once again even though I’m still feeling the effects of having my account deleted and recreated. Three days later, I got an email from A1 stating that my order was at that point in the process of being cancelled. But that I may lose my phone number and would have to call T-Mobile to take care of it myself. I got a repeat of this email another 2 days later from the Indian call center.

A1 has an impressive list of credentials including certificates and endorsements from BBB, VeriSign, and CNET. So I guess I was fooled into thinking that these guys weren’t assholes. But it’s really surprising these days how many companies, regardless of how reputable they seem, equate doing business with screwing customers. I was listening to This American Life over the weekend and heard this show:

On Hold, No One Can Hear You Scream. This American Life Senior Producer Julie Snyder found herself in a ten-month battle with her phone company (MCI Worldcom), which had overcharged her $946.36. She spent hours on hold, in a bureaucratic nowhere. No one seemed able to fix her problem, and there was no way she could make the company pay her back for all her lost time and aggravation.

(10/11/2004)

(10/07/2004)

If the government says so, it must be true.
No, I’m not referring to The War on Eye-raq. I was reading the online entertainment gossip (shame) from MSN (double shame) and there is a blurb about how fat people are the last entertainment taboo, specifically fat women. It included a handy link to the CDC’s BMI calculator. Generally when I think CDC, I think Ebola or anthrax. And I go to the website often to look up information on various fatal pathogens to satiate my inquiring mind. But now the CDC is onto obesity because although it’s not quite as glamorous as Ebola it is also a disease. Fortunately, it can be cured through quarantine from food (and reality TV). I don’t trust just any BMI calculator, but I trust the CDC’s because of the cute little cartoons they use to illustrate that even though a muscular person and a fat person can have the same BMI, the nearly nekkid muscular person is HOT and the (non Juicy Couture) sweat suit clad, potato shaped fat person has a disease (or at least a fashion emergency).

(10/01/2004)

(09/27/2004)

Mt St Helens is Erupting!
How exciting is that! When I heard the news I quickly ran behind my office door - not for safety but for the company "Emergency Response Plan" booklet that was published with a hole in it specifically for hanging on the coat hook behind the door (Genius!). The page was already turned to the "Volcanic Eruptions" page because my program manager liked to change the the disaster every week. He had left it on volcanic eruption. Coincidence? Not at all. It's in the PM's job description to not only anticipate known unknowns but also unknown unknowns. What should we do in the event of a volcanic eruption? Call company security. What an excellent idea! Because what if they don't know about the eruption yet? I'll be the first on the phone to alert the security experts of the impending doom.

Of course that's not the only tip. "During non-business hours: ... Call Corporate Switchboard for recorded or operator information." Are you already thinking what I'm thinking?? No work during volcanic eruptions! YES!!

There are other suggestions, but they not exciting enough for me.

It's not dead unless you find a body.
This is the rule if you are a gnat killing machine such as myself. To hell with sissy non-toxic fly paper. Non-toxic doesn't KILL! Rosin, rubber, and mineral oil doesn't compare to Permethrin, Tetramethrin, and d-Allethrin - the active ingredients in Raid Flying Insect Killer Formula 6.

Permethrin is an insecticide which works by paralyzing the nervous systems of insects. YES! Tetramethrin is not only an insecticide but is also very toxic to aquatic organisms and is approved by the Japanese Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries. YES!! d-cis/trans allethrin ... um undoubtedly it's another pyrethroid like the other two which are all botanical insecticides extracted from the chrysanthemum plant which means ... YES!!! KILL KILL KILL! And I haven’t even pointed out that none of these toxic chemicals have been proven to be carcinogenic AND online reviews show that customers think Raid Flying Insect Killer smells surprisingly outdoor fresh.

Hopefully Formula 6 is the most deadly out of all the killer formulas. The Raid can says, "For fast knockdown, spray directly at insects." Fast knockdown is obviously the only way to go. Why dillydally? In fact, I think Raid only works if you spray it directly at the gnat and drench it with poison. The wetness causes the gnat to fall out of the air onto the ground where it proceeds to twitch until it's dead. I'd like to say the humanitarian in me squishes the gnat to put it out of its misery, but I actually need to dispose of the thing because I find it disgusting. Besides, some of the tougher gnats recover. You cannot allow this to happen.

The Lance.
Who can say anything bad about Lance Armstrong? Not me. He's awesome fo' sheezy. But what's the deal with the Live Strong bracelet. Non metrosexual men who would never be caught dead with a bracelet of any kind are suddenly wearing the yellow plastic. The Nike Store downtown sold out of them months ago. Hey guys - I'll let you in on a little secret. Accessorizing like Lance doesn't make you Lance. And if you want to support cancer research you can afford to donate more than 1 measly dollar.

I have a large rubber band as well. It's red (one of my favorite colors) and it says "Virgin Megastore". Should I go around wearing it as a show of support for Virgin Megastore? I already bought a CD there. Does that count as enough of a donation?

(09/11/2004)

Toilet DIY Part 2, 3, ...
In Toilet DIY (part 1), we learned about everything that goes on in the tank and between the tank and the bowl. But we had not yet learned quite enough. Oh no - not nearly enough because we had not yet screwed and unscrewed every single bolt on the toilet at least 6 times.

After replacing all the toilet parts, mysterious puddles of water began showing up on the floor at the base of the toilet. We thought maybe at this point, the wax ring at the base of the toilet (the only thing that we had not replaced) had given up. So we disassembled the toilet yet again and this time we pulled the thing off the ground and revealed a gross looking yet seemingly functional ring. But we get a new ring anyway, not just any ring but the super thick extended ring. That ought to do it right? Of course not FOOL!

After putting the toilet back together, it continued to leak and more fiercely than before. It turned out that the super thick ring was not thick enough. So off we went to Home Depot to get another wax ring to stack on top of the existing one. And we disassembled the toilet yet again. Things were looking good yesterday. Today, however, water from a mystery toilet place had dripped onto the baseboard and all over the floor. At least I hope that’s what happened because we have exhausted all other toilet bowl to floor interaction possibilities.

(09/11/2004)

Bluefly has these shoes

Sergio Rossi
white leather narrow toe strappy ankle 'Brugal' heels
retail value: $650.00
Bluefly: $389.00

Rushcollection.com has the same shoes in white and black for 128€. The site says the retail price of the shoes 365€. 365€ x 1.22 (today's exchange rate) = $445.30. That's still a $204.70 difference. Injustice!!

(09/08/2004)

Apparently gnats don't like beer.
We have a gnat infestation. They don't fly around the trash, the garbage disposal, food, or what I presumed were common gnat hangouts. Instead, they like the ceiling and especially the sprinkler heads on the ceiling.

We decided to get some TAT Fly Paper to remedy the situation. The package says "Catches All Flying Insects." The active ingredients in fly paper are rosin, rubber, and mineral oil. Are gnats are supposed to like that? Rosin? Isn't that what you rub on bows? Well the gnats aren't attracted to it at all. They can't even find it. Even in a small room how would a tiny (fat) insect find a tiny 1 inch wide strip that is made of some unattractive stuff! One retarded gnat ran into it and that’s the only one we caught on that strip.

Then my bf noticed that they hung around his beer. So I put some beer on a plate and no gnats. They land on the plate but don't want the beer. I tried pouring beer on them too. It didn't work. I thought I caught one in a glass of water but then the thing flew OUT OF THE WATER!

Anyway, another interesting thing I learned is that gnats have a lot of red blood.

(08/21/2004)

Toilet DIY
Our toilet started leaking because the Clorox bleach tablets we used melted all of the rubber seals in the toilet tank. First it looked like only the flush valve seal was broken so we went to Lowes and bought a flush valve. The flush valve has 2 rubber seals, and it's easier to buy a new valve than it is to buy new rubber seals to stick onto the old valve.

It turns out that when you replace the flush valve, you have to remove the tank of the toilet which is a pain. Between the tank and the bowl, there is a tank-to-bowl gasket which is also rubber (rubber == needs to be replaced). Nobody really tells you about this part so since we didn’t disassemble the toilet right away, we weren’t sure on what this gasket looked like. While messing around, we also noticed that the rubber on the fill valve had also melted. So we made a trip to Home Depot and bought a fill valve and a tank-to-bowl gasket.

The fill valve was fine but it turns out that the FluidMaster tank-to-bowl gasket, which is the only brand that Home Depot sells, doesn't fit the base of the Mansfield flush valve which fit our Mansfield toilet. Since the Mansfield flush valve was from Lowes we figured we had to go back to Lowes. I called Lowes in Aurora just to make sure they had this gasket in stock. The plumbing expert on the phone said, "Yes of course we have this part" with a "you're an idiot to even ask such a question" attitude. We went and they didn't have it. It took forever to track down a Lowes guy and he said that they don't even carry Mansfield parts at all because they don't sell Mansfield toilets. But they have the Mansfield flush valve. Lowes guy couldn't explain this phenomenon and suggested that we go to Aurora Plumbing. Lowes guy also suggested trying out the universal gasket. I think little babies that can fit the triangle piece into the triangle hole can tell that the universal gasket isn't universal. But whatever. Lowes sucks. It seems like the experts that they are always referring to in their commercials are so busy making commercials that they can’t be bothered to hang out at the stores.

So we went to Aurora Plumbing and told the guy at the counter that we were looking for the Mansfield tank-to-bowl gasket. He asks "what year" and "pressure or gravity flush" and grabs the part off the shelf. And THAT'S IT! I highly recommend Aurora Plumbing. We went home and put the gasket on. It fit perfectly. We proceeded to put the bolts back on the tank. The rubber washers or plumbers putty (we couldn't tell what) had fused on to the existing bolts and like everything else rubber in the tank had been rendered useless. Since we didn’t have rubber washers laying about we had to go to Home Depot yet again to buy washers.

Now everything is great because the entire innards of the toilet tank has completely been replaced. And the lesson is:

• Don't put things in your tank that will melt all your parts.
• If you've already melted some rubber, you’ll need to replace everything: flush valve, fill valve, rubber washers, tank-to-bowl gasket. If you can, get the same brand of everything so that it all fits.
• Lowes sucks.

(07/29/2004)

It looks like ponchos are very in now. Because they are like a convenient shawl. But a shawl doesn't cover your entire body and make you look like a cow. I think you have to be very tall and thin to look good wearing a poncho (but what doesn't look good on a tall, thin person). And even then you'd have to wear a transparent one and risk looking like a tent on a stick. I think the trend is actually based on the transparent poncho. But women get confused, and now everyone is selling ugly, knitted, opaque (and not made in Argentina) ponchos. The juniors department is even selling more faux than faux fur ponchos! (ewwww)

If you’re tall and fat, you’ll look like a whale in a net. If you are short and thin you’ll look like a kid wearing a blanket. If you are short and fat … um well ... So I think the average person will only look fat and squatty in a poncho. Because the average person will think the poncho is covering “stuff”. But it's not covering “stuff”. It will make the “stuff” look like a large amorphous blob.

Yeah … so that’s my 2 cents on ponchos.

(07/27/2004)

I just finished reading Bergdorf Blondes. It's a fun fluff book. It has pretty bad reviews throughout both about the book and the author. And to those reviewers I say, "What where you expecting? Crime and Punishment?" So it's isn't as good as Bridget Jones which is also not exactly a highly intellectual work of art but it's much better than The Devil Wears Prada.

So I was thinking about crappy chick books and remembered that I have read worse books than The Right Address. Years ago I read Swell: A Girl's Guide to the Good Life by Ilene Rosenzweig and Cynthia Rowley. I read probably 1/3 of it and was reduced to skimming the rest. This has to be the dumbest book ever. But I guess enough people liked it that it was followed by Swell Style, Swell Love, and Home Swell Home. (ewwww)

Swell features everyday living tips. For example, regarding dinner parties it asks, "Who says having a dinner party means you do all the cooking?" um... not me? I don't know who says this. I didn't even know someone said it at all. The book goes on to suggest that KFC looks like home cooking if you hide the bucket and put the chicken in a basket lined with red checked cloth with some sprigs of thyme. riiight... So I get take out because I’m so Swell that I either don’t have time to cook or can’t cook. If I don’t have time, I still have to throw a half assed dinner party to show that I’m a Swell time manager. If I can’t cook, I probably shouldn’t learn because messing around with raw meat doesn’t seem too glamorous and therefore not Swell. Then, I don’t get just any take out but have to get FAST FOOD take out like KFC because … I’m in a rush since Swell girls are über popular and have exciting places to be. (Or possibly fast food has become retro chic). And here’s the genius of it – I can take all the time I save by not cooking and getting fast food to find and buy “garnish” such as sprigs of thyme, baskets, and red checkered cloth. Or maybe the Swell girl already has that stuff lying around for occasions where she needs to pretend that she spent time frying chicken and being homely. Perhaps the super Swell girl can also get away with putting chicken on just a plate if she compensates with an extra sprig of rosemary from her dinner knick knack kit?

The book's parting thought on the KFC dinner party is, "Keep the lighting low. Garnish. Get rid of the evidence!" So it seems that the Swell girl is one throws an event that for whatever reason she can’t or doesn’t care to put any effort into yet she must appear to be a domestic diva (cause that’s Swell?) so she has to take something that’s she’s ashamed of being associated with and pretend it’s a fabulous, personal creation. Swell (if swell == flake).

(07/11/2004)

Why do passengers on airplanes clap when the pilot is successful in landing the plane? And when did their expectations get so low?

I’ve always thought clapping is for a job well done not just for a job done. Is landing a plane now above and beyond the pilot’s call of duty? Is it ok if we don’t land? Of course we’d withhold applause. The pilot didn’t land. He didn’t go that extra step, didn’t do that extra little something to be a team superstar. But now if he lands! That’s really something!! So we have to cheer and applaud to show our elation and gratitude. Pilots nowadays don’t even land well. They land in a way similar to if the plane had been swatted to the ground. If you have ever applauded for a poor landing you can consider yourself a moron. Yes, just admit that you are stupid. Acceptance is the first step to recovery.

(07/02/2004)

San Francisco is cold. I went there once in January equipped with clothing suitable to a Seattle style winter and did ok. In fact, I got a little hot while climbing up the hill to Coit Tower. During the boat ride to Alcatraz, I even thought, “Phhutt, whatever (*snap snap*) this looks easy enough to swim. How cold could it be?” This time I went in July equipped with clothing suitable for 80°F+ Seattle summer weather thinking it must be so hot there since it is California after all. The result is I spent a week freezing my ass off. The only time I felt hot was when I walked from the Union Street shops to the Filmore Street shops and had to climb a huge hill in the blazing sun in the middle of the afternoon. Oh yes, I will walk any distance to shop.

SF has great shops. They have all the standard “cool” stuff. For example, they have a Campers store. But they don’t have any cool “cool” stuff. At least I’m sure that the cool “cool” stuff is not on Chestnut, Union, or Filmore streets. Those are probably the touristy shops. Bianca Luna on Union is cool. Across the street there is a cool place that kind of seems like a consignment shop but isn’t. They have uncommon stuff from big name designers.

(06/09/2004)

The Right Address
This book is so crappy. Maybe gossip lit is supposed to follow 2 rules: must be poorly written and the main character must obnoxious for 90% of the book. Comparatively speaking, this book is like a cheap Walmart print whereas The Devil Wears Prada is like a framed Pottery Barn print and The Nanny Diaries is like a framed original piece by someone with a stand at a crafts fair. This book states that it’s gauche to name drop but I doubt there is one page in it without some mention of a designer. So instead of saying something like “I got up, washed my hair, and brushed my teeth,” I’d have to say, “I got up from my Sealy Posturepedic bed, pushed aside Ralph Lauren sheets, washed my hair with Aveda shampoo, brushed my teeth with Crest toothpaste and Oral B toothbrush.” The book really is that annoying. Of all the trashy gossip books I’ve read (so many that I can no longer match the book’s storyline with it’s title) this one is by far the worst. Spoiler: According to this book, the right address is 741 Park Ave.

(05/24/2004)

O.C.C. Mikey failed his motorcycle road test! HOW! I'm clumsy and uncoordinated and had never been on a bike before class and passed. He rides choppers and failed the exam? FOOL!

Nobody is wilder than the Wild Boyz (the BEST show on TV)!

MTV Episode 202

(05/13/2004)

The Devil Wears Prada
is one of many in the recent onslaught of gossip lit. As far as I know, the author was either a one time editorial assistant or a personal assistant to Vogue's editor in chief Anna Wintour who is the Devil referenced in the title. When the book came out it received scathing reviews. Supposedly this was because the publishing industry was seeking to protect one of their own. The reviews criticized the book as well as its author.
I finally decided to read it because I like chick lit, and this one had a particularly catchy title which made it sound like fashion and gossip all in one. Who could ask for more! I flip through enough magazines to know who most of the characters are, but I don't know nor do I care about their positions in the industry or upper society. So I considered myself an unbiased reader.
I have to say that I liked the book. Because it's trashy and gossipy and I love that kind of stuff. But the critics were right. It is poorly written and that’s only comparing it with other poorly written books of its genre. In fact, parts without gossip are excruciating to read. The main character is overly self righteous, self centered, and completely annoying. Her attempts at helping others seem forced and unnatural. Obviously, no one likes the boss character but I certainly didn’t sympathize with the protagonist who doesn’t seem to ever realize that it is indeed possible to graduate the boss's apprentice program and that former assistants are far more competent than she is. The book’s only redeeming quality is that it is a compendium of gossip, fictional or otherwise. If you like Page Six, you’ll love this book.
The moral that I gleaned is don't take a non writing job at a fashion magazine if you hate fashion and fancy yourself to be a writer. This book failed to convince me of anything else.

(05/12/2004)

Tires the Costco way
Costco.com says it takes 5-10 business days to receive tires ordered online. It took me at 16 business days and a dozen phone calls to get mine. Costco.com and the Costco warehouse are independent which meant that I had to call both every time. I first called prematurely at 4 business days when the online site told me that the tires I ordered hadn’t even shipped. The Costco.com representative explained to me that tire acquisition was a complicated process. They had to send out requests to warehouses all over to find the closest warehouse which has the tires in supply. Then this warehouse will ship the tires. Why this step isn’t just a simple database query is beyond me, but since it was only day 4 I didn’t seek an explanation. On day 7 I called again because the tires still hadn’t shipped. Since I was told previously that the tires would spend 2-3 days in transit, it seemed to me like they should at least be shipped on day 7. I was told there was no news and that I would just have to wait. On day 11, I called again. This time the rep asked me if I was sure they had promised 5-10 days. She told me she had to verify this first. Then she told me she’d have to call the vendor and check. After that she’d email me with the details. Two days later she still hadn’t emailed me. On day 13, I called yet again. This time I wanted to cancel the order completely. I was tired of waiting. I was told that it could not be cancelled because it was “too far long” and that the only thing they could do would be to credit me after the tires shipped to the warehouse. Then, the rep said, “They are going to ship in 2 to 3 days.” So I asked, “How do you know?” I had been told that many times so far and the tires were still nowhere to be found. To which she said, “I have to keep checking back.” I said, “What does that mean?” She said, “It means I have to keep checking back.” I am not making this up. So I told her that I believed that the root of the problem was that no one has “checked back” and I didn’t believe that she was about to start. She said she’d have to check with the manager and call me back. On day 14, I was shocked that she called me back. She left me a message that the order had “gotten cancelled by the vendor” and that I should be expecting my tires shortly. On day 16, the warehouse finally called me to say the tires where there. I went after work and it took them at least 2 hours to install the tires. In the evening, I got an email from Costco.com informing me that the tires where shipped.

So Costco.com tells customers that they’ll have their merchandize in 10 days maximum and after 10 days they don’t even know the status of the order. They send orders to random vendors and never check the vendor’s status. They give misleading information which has no basis in reality. They can’t explain the stupid stuff they say. After all this you can’t even cancel an order through no fault of your own until the order is filled. If the order is filled, why would I want to cancel? I’m only canceling because the order isn’t filled and no one knows what happened to it. And then I’m resigned to get the tires anyway because I don’t want to go through the process again with some other idiot.

(05/11/2004)

I bought Joss Stone’s The Soul Sessions from Virgin in Vancouver a month ago. Today I thought I’d listen to it on my office PC. To my surprise, neither Windows Media Player nor iTunes will play it. So I stared at the CD, because staring is always good. And that’s when I saw THIS:

Ah yes. I went to the web site suggested and it confirmed that the CD will only play with its own software. How ******* annoying! So I put the CD in my computer. I don’t get any notice that the CD won't play or what I should do about it. I end up clicking the option on Windows Media Player to use the CD’s software to play. Then it says I have to install files to play the CD, but it doesn’t say what it wants to install. I go to view the CD contents on Windows Explorer and sure enough, I have to install a player for it. So basically I paid for a CD that only has 42 minutes of music which isn’t even as good as I thought it would be so that I can’t even play (not copy – just play) it on my computer with out installing a separate player and switching over to it every time I want to listen to this one CD. Just great.

But it turns out that whatever idiot thing they do to be completely obnoxious doesn't work on the Mac. Not only can I import in iTunes, I can even open the CD in the Finder and copy and paste the tracks. Great copy control! It's annoying and it doesn't work, like the twit at the office that everyone wants fired.

(05/09/2004)
Licensed to RIDE!
15 mph in the parking lot.

(03/30/2004)

Areva has the best commercial ever! It's usually shown during Kudlow and Cramer on CNBC. Areva is an energy transfer company and the commercial explains what the company does and is so cool. Check it out.

(02/11/2004)

Sally Hansen® No-Heat Gel Roll-On Hair Remover Kit is AWESOME! You put it in the microwave for 6 or 7 seconds and roll it on! You don’t get too much wax. It’s not messy. It’s technology at its best! I was mesmerized by this device for at least 10 minutes.

(11/22/2003)

There is a TV station in London called “Men and Motors”. And what kind of programming does this channel feature? Why that would be none other than men and motors. And for the extra special touch, at 23:00 the programming turns to porn. That’s right. Men, motors, porn. Take that SpikeTV!

(9/03/2003)

Dirrty (and I’m not talking about XTina)

A while ago, I saw a dirty diaper in Gasworks Park in the middle of the walkway at the bottom of the toxic mound, or “hill”. Last Thursday, on the way home from the SAM, while crossing the street, I spotted none other than a used maxi pad in the intersection. Just Monday on the Vashon ferry (the Tillikum), I walked by a crumpled pair of panties left on the staircase.

Is this just a mystifying chain of events? Even more unfathomable than why these items are littered all over is how they got there. Are babies running amok in Gasworks Park and losing their diapers? Did some parent, not wanting to throw away poo in a trash can in the bathroom, carry the diaper outside and fling it across the walkway? Did the low tech maxi pad slip out of some high tech thong? Did someone change pads in the middle the street? Or did the trash can in the bathroom fail in its purpose yet again so that the unfortunate woman had to carry the used pad throughout Seattle and finally leave it in the glory of an intersection. And, finally, the panties … did someone join the Sea Level Club on the Vashon ferry? What did these panties do to be cast off in such an indiscrete manner and so close to a trash can? Will we ever find answers to these questions? I don’t think I want to know.

(9/01/2003)

Vashon Island: the place to go for “semi painless” ear piercing.

What can I say about Vashon Island? It’s spooky. If you’ve seen the movie The Ring, Vashon Island is not the place to go. If you haven’t seen The Ring, you should! Then you should go to Vashon Island without a map when it’s raining. Then you can get lost, run into some horses, and pee your pants.

So my bf and I took the ferry from West Seattle to Vashon Island. There was a horse trailer on the ferry just like in The Ring! One of the horses peeped at me. It was spooky. It’s on the ferry that you begin to sense that Vashon Island is probably a stinky (rotting kelp) kind of place. (While on the ferry, I took many pictures of Mt. Rainer to add to my collection of boring pictures of Mt. Rainer.)

The speed limit on Vashon Island is very low (sometimes 35 mph, sometimes 25 mph). The main roads are not close to the water and most roads that go towards the water are private. We took one of these roads down to the water. It was very quiet; no people anywhere, lots of old cars, an apartment building, old barnacle covered poles sticking out of the water which was covered with a layer of green algae scum. In a word, it was SPOOKY!

In order to get to a park, we cut across Vashon Island on Cemetery Ave. Of course, there is a cemetery on Cemetery Ave. It’s unavoidably spooky. The park turned out to be some heavily wooded stinky place. We stopped at the boat launch and read all about toxic shellfish. Then, we headed off to downtown. There are lots of knick knacky shops there which are not very spooky at all. But the local theater is playing Freaky Friday. If I were operating that theater, I’d play The Ring 24/7! Across the street, the jewelry store offers “semi painless” ear piercing. Doesn’t semi painless imply semi painful?

Anyway, there was lots of excitement back on the ferry. Just as we were pulling off the dock, we had to go back for an emergency pie delivery! No, I jest. It was actually an ambulance, its buddy the gray van, and a guy with a pie. We went to the back and joined the other passengers in some Seattle style rubber necking.

The other exciting thing on the ferry was a yellow Plymouth Prowler – a distinctively butt ugly car. Wait no! I meant a “distinctive looking” car. But what was the ultimate clue that it as a Prowler? The name was in big yellow script on the bumper. Duh! The driver also wore a hat with “Prowler” on it. His wife wore a denim shirt with the Prowler embroidered on it. Guess what they drove … a PROWLER!

And that’s Vashon Island.

(8/26/2003)

Lingonberries - wrapped by an IKEA furniture specialist

What’s with deal with lingonberries? At IKEA you can buy a 2.5 lb bag of meatballs for $9.95. And you can buy lingonberries ("They have ripened in the intense summer of northern Sweden, where the summer sun never sets.") for $2.95. BUT if you buy meatballs, you get lingonberries for free.

Why give away a product that's 30% the cost of the other? Why not give away the berries with a purchase of the Björken, Traktor, Fujs or any number of fine and more expensive Swedish products. But the more important question is why are the guys at IKEA so pushy when it comes to the free berries. You can't leave until you've picked up those free lingonberries.

Cashier: Did you get your free lingonberries?
Me: Huh?
C: You can get free lingonberries with your meatballs.
Me: No thanks.
C: Are you sure? They are free.
Me: No thanks.
C: Ok. Because you can run back and get some.
Me: No thanks.
C: Are you sure?

Lingonberries are cranberries but Swedish.
On our latest trip to IKEA, we decided to get a jar of these lingonberries. We picked up 2 bags of meatballs and 1 jar of free berries.

C: You can get 2 jars of lingonberries.
Me: No thanks.
C: Ok. Because you got 2 bags of meatballs. So you can get 2 jars of lingonberries.

When we got home we noticed that we were only charged for 1 bag of meatballs. Apparently, the berries are important enough that if you don't pick up a free jar, it's not worth charging for the meatballs either.

(8/18/2003)

My floor lamp uses 4 incandescent light bulbs. The warning labels say that each of the 2 top bulbs should not be over 100W and that other 2 tree style lights should not be over 60W each. Better not get those mixed up you’re thinking. Well, I can’t be bothered with details of that sort. So, naturally, I put the 100W light bulbs in the 60W sockets. The light bulbs actually melted the decorative plastic (made to look like glass) rim and scorched the warning label.

(8/05/2003)

I never knew that HuNan and SiChuan were known for their Northern cuisine. I suppose the provinces are indeed north with respect to say… Vietnam. And apparently China has a new northern province called Mandarin. I wasn't able to find it on a map. Perhaps we've conquered Mongolia? And what is the restaurant in the picture? It's certainly not China First.
Stupid card aside, China First isn't all that bad. They boast that their food is MSG free, and in all likelihood it is. It's also not as greasy as their neighbors New China Express across the street (U District).

(7/30/2003)

My boyfriend is trying to donate a queen sized bed and a sofa bed to charity. Both are in good condition. But as we found out yesterday, neither is good enough for the Salvation Army or any other charity in Seattle. Why? The sofa has a 1 inch tear on 1 back cushion. The bed has a small Coca-Cola stain on the mattress.

In fact, no tears and no stains regardless of magnitude or overall condition seem to be a requirement for all of the charities in Seattle that we could find a phone number for. This strikes me as insane. I bought a new couch from Levitz 3 years ago and it was delivered to me with tears in 2 of the back cushions. Unfortunately, I didn't notice them at the time of delivery. I also didn't care much when I discovered them. But that means that if Levitz had tried to donate my new couch to charity, it would have been refused on the basis that there were minor tears in the fabric. Damn Levitz and their business model of selling furniture for thousands of dollars when they can't even give it away for free!

I also have a Sealy Posturepedic queen sized bed which I bought new from Sleep Train. On my most recent move, the movers must have dragged the mattress on the ground or something similar because one corner is dirty and the fabric has been rubbed such that there is now a hole there. That means I'm currently sleeping on a bed that the Salvation Army and the like deem unacceptable for their shoppers.

The Salvation Army mover who refused to pick up the furniture commented, “[The Salvation Army] is just trying to make money.” I hope this astute young man can teach the guys in the furniture industry a thing or two. I saw a great leather ottoman at Masins for $3500. I’m sure that if it had a tear in it I could get it for 10% off. These fools at Masins obvious do not realize that selling an ottoman for over $3000 will not make them any money. Perhaps they will go bankrupt soon, and their employees will be forced to compete for jobs at the Salvation Army.

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